journal 18/11

 im not alright with my mum re joining the dating scene. im not sure how to feel. im too old to be upset, but im not ready to not be able to bringh my dad in loving ways. i dont think i will like no matter who he might be. i m will not be able to move on. but im also scared of her being alone. i dont want to move on with my life if she coe back to an empty house. i want my nephew to come back so she is not alone, and i dont like taht either. both feeling are fueld by selfishness about how im affected by the desitions, but thats not fare.

im also scared my boyfriend and i are going to break up. i feel like the honeymoon face is washing out and im scared of how it feels. what if he is in fact resenting me by how mean i am at times. if he didn´t like how things turned and we are just wating. i can help but asking dumb questions about love, i should just know. maybe we are just not mean to be. maybe we are not in the same page.  he said he is bad at felling, i might as well be. am scared we are going to break up and we both know yet we are playing cool. i droved him away. thats not a question i can really make. thats not a question i want to know the sweard to. in a way i do feel a little resentment to him for the only big mistake he make, and thats not fair. i might have just commit a mistake by forgive him, not bc it was a big mistake, im just not good at forgiving people. 

maybe im just like all the "bad people" in my life. im not good. im not

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas más populares de este blog

I deserve recognition

 Today i got nice news, i got a good grade in my Rstudio test, and my other two quiz where good enoght. Also, i send my two seminars for two classes, and I can tell they are good grades. On the other hand, my quiz for my microeconomics class its i two days but i know i can learn enoght. I have two weeks to get a nice grade in my other test, but the most important thing is that its alright if i dont pass it. Thats not gonna happen, I'll do my best to pass it and im sure i can make it happen, and if im not, I'll get really close. I've get out a even worse situations, so i can make it out of this one too.
Leer más

journal 13/11

 i feel upset about things in my life. i feel like i attrack people in need. dont get me wrong, i love to help and be the person i woulnd have love to have in my life during the hard times in my life. however, i wonder why me? its that i bring this to people? maybe i make it worse by putting much more efford into the situations?. im concernd by all that can go wrong when people around me can also be hurt by the people in need. i dont what more disputes, i dont want my mum to worry about things. im just pampering her, yet its not irrational wanting her to be happy. i thing thats the reason im uppset. i dont want the burden of taking this issues home, not again at least. i counld have never turn my back to my own nephew, yet what can came up from this.  can someone be evil? sertanlly its not the first awfull mom i came across, moreover its not even the first time i get to see how much of a bitch she can be, however i never spected to be this far. she leave us alone the day my da...
Leer más

I feel funny, the beginning

 All started back in 2003, in the paula jaraquema's hospital. I was ready to come to the world for the first time, even tho I waited the whole January the 7th evening for my mom to go to the hospital. I was the second born child, and I guess my parents weren't scared of the whole baby thing anymore. So they take their time, and I did too.  I was almost born January the 8th, I pop out specifically at 11:30 pm, and I say "pop out" as a joke, since I'm a c section baby, which means I didn’t knew how to be born so I had to be surgically removed, as a tumor. The next day, after a lazy first bay of living, in the arms of my aunt, she and my older sister suggested the only name that wasn't in the family already. Victoria. I stared school at five years old, Before that I really just enjoys watching TV. I love animal planet and cartoon network, and since my mom didn't enjoy me playing on the street, I was more of a indoor kid.  I was accepted (back in the day, scho...
Leer más